When You're a Wolf

When I was younger, even before my awakening (that's what it's called when a therian comes to realize what/who they are) I had a mild-ish obsession with canines. When playing "House" with my friends, I would always pick dog (sometimes cat, though very rarely) and I was usually the best "dog" to have when you're 7. I would sit, stay, roll over, play dead, fetch...the works, really. I even ate and drank out of bowls on the floor, without using spoons or forks. Everything a kid wants in a dog, without the mess! I also had a strange attraction to the woods, and often I would stare out my window and wish I could roam without my mom worrying about my whereabouts. Then, when I got to public school (4th grade), I realized that kids my age weren't still playing "House" or "Animals" anymore, and so I dropped the urge to play those kiddy games.

Though I stopped playing "dog", I was still a fond friend to various stuffed animals. I had bears, lions, dragons, but mostly canines. I had a favorite one, named Spot, who was a Dalmation Build-A-Bear. I think Spot is still somewhere in my closet, actually. However, when middle school came, I had to drop the stuffed animal phase too, since that wasn't cool.

It wasn't until seventh grade when my awakening happened. Sixth grade was a pretty wonderful year, and I made lots of new friends. In seventh grade, the friends I had hung out with in elementary school left. They all switched into a rival school, and we never saw each other. This would have been a short, mild case of loneliness, had my awakening not hit me. It wasn't so sudden, really, but it did happen without fair warning.

I suddenly got the feeling like I wasn't supposed to be here. I felt like I didn't belong...usual angsty teenager stuff. But it got weird. I started having urges to howl, I could feel limbs and tails that weren't there. I felt my ears gain ghostly add ons to them, and the ears (both phantom and real) started reacting to sounds, and more importantly, emotions. I perfected a snarl and a growl and even had a nasty bark, all within a week or so, due to the urges. My sense of smell increased, though not in the way you would think. It wasn't like I could smell a tiny speck of dirt among a thousand grains, but scents became more personal to me. A human nose just goes with the flow, and smells whatever passes in front of it. My nose smelled something, then demanded I followed it to the source. My friends all gained their own smells that I can pick out of crowds with ease, now.

I also got a terrible case of the who-am-I's. I questioned if I belonged in my group of friends, if I belonged at my own school. Sometimes I thought I should just go and die, or run away. I don't know how or why, but when scrolling through the internet, I found my answer. I couldn't tell you what I looked up, or when I looked it up, but I can tell you this: I realized I wasn't alone, and I realized I was a therian.

I really hate labels. I do. But telling people I'm a therian is the easiest way I can tell them. Someone came up with a word to shorten out: I'm human on the outside, but inside I'm an animal or a mythical being, and I am not your definition of normal. Which is great. If there wasn't a word for it, even better. But I'm ranting, so pardon.

I began lurking on therian forums, and began to come to terms with my therioside (my wolf-self). I also had my first shifts, mostly mental shifts. Phantom tails and ears are always on me, so I don't think phantom shifts count. But I'll get into my shifts later. All I can tell you is that your surroundings are different when you're a wolf. Now that I'm older, I realize that life is pretty different when your a wolf.